Finance

This week in class, family finance was the topic of discussion. We read a talk by Elder Marvin J. Ashton called "One for the Money." He mentions several points in money management, but the one that stuck out to me the most was to learn self-discipline and self-restraint in money matters. This was probably one of the hardest concepts for me when I first came out to school. Back in high school, I had a job and made enough money to pay tithing, save some, and the rest on whatever I wanted. However, when I came up to BYU-I, I did not have a job, therefore I lived off of my savings. It became really hard for me to retrain myself to only buy the things that were necessary. After some budgeting and self-discipline, I was able to use my money wisely. It was a long hard journey, but I felt so good knowing that I learned how to live on a low budget. These skills have helped me when I got married. My husband and I both are able to live on a budget, and are careful to remember when and when not to splurge. I plan on teaching my children from a very early age how to self-discipline themselves and put it into action.

The Council Method

I absolutely love the council method. In class, I learned all about the way the church councils and how it benefits everybody. When the prophet and the twelve meet for councils (every Thursday at the Salt Lake Temple) they come early to greet and express love to one another. When it is time to start, they have a prayer to invite the spirit. After this, the brethren will council together using the Lord's will, not their own opinion. The prophet will start, and then each councilor, followed by the twelve, in order. This gives everyone the chance to speak, and if inspired, introduce changes or a new idea. If a change occurs, the men will then start over and make their way around the circle again. Once finished, they have another prayer, and "break bread" with some chocolate.
I love this method. My husband use it, and I find that it helps us to each have a say and calmly work out a current issue or just have some time to plan out a hectic week. I want to continue using the council method as our family grows. I think this will help everyone to grow closer together while teaching our children the importance of respect and orderly discussion.  

Family Crisis

In class, Brother Williams taught that there are two words that describe a crisis: danger and opportunity. I found this fascinating because I had never really taken much thought to a crisis within a family. When a family finds themselves in a crisis, they have the advantage to choose to make it an opportunity to grow and learn, or to let it endanger their family relations. There are three factors that go into the experience of a family crisis, known as the ABCX. A is the actual event. Some of these are preventable, some are not. B is the behavioral response to the event. C is the cognition, the way we think or view the event. All these add up to equal X, the experience. Our behavioral response and view on the crisis largely effect each other. Hopefully, we think before we act. This gives the opportunity to think positively about the crisis and find different solutions, not to mention, try to stay positive.
 We also learned that a crisis can be almost anything. From buying a house, to losing a family member, everything depends on how the situation is handled. Hopefully, in the future, I will remember to stay positive and turn dangers into opportunities.

Emotional Fidelity

Everyone knows that having an affair is morally wrong and hurtful to their spouse. However, there are many who do not protect themselves from emotional affairs. Making an emotional connection with someone can be easier than one thinks. Once you become emotionally attached, you are more likely to give yourself sexually to this person. This can be very dangerous and hard to avoid if you don't look out for it. For example, coworkers of the opposite sex may have to spend time alone together to get a work project done, or ride in a car together. However impossible it seems to avoid doing things together with the opposite sex that isn't your spouse, try to avoid it as much as possible. Where there's a will, there's a way! In class, we discussed how it is so important to keep private subjects between husband and wife. If some vents to a coworker, they may receive validation, which, in return, can form emotional attachments. You could then be wondering why your spouse isn't more like so-and-so. This is the reason for so many affairs -- emotional attachment. We also discussed how important it is to put boundaries on friendships when you start to date someone seriously. Your spouse should be the most important person to you, they are your best friend. This is why your best buddy when you were single no longer receives the attention that should be allotted to your spouse. It is so important to respect your spouse and any problems they may have concerning the opposite sex.

Having Children

Research shows that when a couple starts having children, their marital happiness starts to decline. This doesn't happen with all couples, and it often happens to those who least expect it. I found in class that there might be some sort of secret to help prevent this kind of decline. What most often happens when a couple has a child is that the wife starts to have a very special bond with the baby, and somewhat leaves the husband out. The husband will feel under appreciated when the wife is constantly leaving her attention with their child. To avoid having the marriage satisfaction decline, couples need to include the father during pregnancy. A wife can do this by taking the husband to doctor appointments, letting him feel the baby kick, and while the wife is having the baby, the husband and wife should be the only ones in the delivery room. This is a special time for them to experience the birth of their child together, and to bond with the new addition to the family. The couple also needs to make sure to talk to each other. A lot of wives will go to their mom for pregnancy questions and concerns. While this is okay for some things, they also need to include the husband. 
After the baby is born, I think it is important to let the husband bond with the baby. He should be able to change some diapers and feed them. The wife should keep from correcting him while doing it as well. It is most important that the couple continue to date after they have children. This will let them have time to themselves and get to catch up.

Marriage vs Cohabitation

When most people think of cohabiting, they think of how it prepares you for marriage and tests the relationship with their partner. It can only benefit you right? That is where most people are wrong. I learned in class that research does not show any benefits from cohabiting. Some of the findings were:

• Married couples have a better quality relationship than cohabiting couples, especially those cohabiting who don't plan on marrying
• Married couples report more sex and more satisfying sex than cohabiting couples
• Married couples show more commitment, greater happiness, and a better relationship with their parents
• Marriages are more stable and durable
• Children that are born to a cohabiting couple are five times more likely than those born to married couples to experience parental separation.

To most, it seems very logical to cohabit before, or instead of, marriage. However, research shows otherwise. Besides, cohabitation is growing to the point where it is more common than marriage. It can be difficult to go straight from being single to marriage. A lot of couples think of cohabiting as a way to bridge the gap from being single to being married. This brings them comfort and they think they will be more stable and ready for marriage. However, let there be a caution to the consequences of such an unstable union.

Family Roles

When most people think of different roles within the family, they tend to point out mom, dad, and kids, as if those are actually roles themselves. The truth is that a woman or man have so many different roles within being a husband and father, wife and mother. A husband is typically the main provider, protector, and will preside over the family. A wife tends to be the caregiver, nurturer, and cook within a family. Children can play different roles as the one who sacrifices for other siblings, the peacemaker, and so forth. Often these roles can change within families. For example, my youngest sister was the peacemaker in my family for a long time. A few years ago, after many of us had left home, she was seemingly out of a job because no one was around to fight. She soon became somewhat of a trouble maker. My parents had to remind her to stay out of trouble. There are many other role that can change in the family as well. Often, a wife and husband both have to take up jobs and provide for their family. Or, if a father is not home much, the mother will take take the leadership position over the family. There are so many combinations and roles that a family can have, and no two families are alike.